Alone I break
by chibi-tsurara-59
Summary: Naruto thinks about his pathetic life and wonders about suicide.


Alone I Break

A/n: I warn you this is very angsty. The music I was listening to was "hurt" by nine inch nails, "alone I break" by Korn, and "Sweet dreams" by Marilyn Manson, I don't know why I put this, but the story has more of an effect if you read while listening to those songs.

No, its another day without a mission. I can't handle this. I need to keep my body busy so my mind wont wander and get the best of me. Shit. It already is.

I hate this, most people have others to talk to when they start to feel depressed. I really wish I had someone right now. But I have no one, and my wishes never come true.

I'm eyeing that razorblade over there pretty closely, but I won't resort to that, razors don't solve problems. But they do give you an outlet, you gently slide it across your wrist and watch the blood slowly trickle down your arm. Your mind can focus on that pain and forget everything that is aching inside. Then it leaves behind scars. Most people try to hide them, because if others see them then they will prod around in your life and try to see what could push you to this point, and they try to help.

That's the part that appeals to me, having someone worry about me, and want to help me. But no one ever will, because I am the vessel for the kyuubi.

Why the fuck dose that have to matter?

I am not the kyuubi!

I am human!

I have my emotions that no one cares about! I just want to be loved! What is so wrong with that! Is everyone in this stupid god forsaken world so dense and heartless that they can't see past the kyuubi and see the love starved me. Maybe it would be better to just end it. Take my own life. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this shit anymore, I could make it all stop. No more nights crying myself to sleep, no more empty meaningless days, no more stars to be alone under as I stare up at their dull light that is slowly fading away, being drowned by the street lights. It almost seems too easy. Take a few too many of the sleeping pills I have, and maybe slice my arm open to hurry it up. Then it would be over, the end. No suicide note from me, no one would care anyway. I bet some people would even be happy that " The Vessel" is gone. This is too much for me I can't take it. With tears streaming down my face I shakily reach for that razor, and slowly push up the blade. Staring at it with sick fascination, the way it gleamed in the light of my lamp. So shiny, clean, smooth, and…pure.

I guess this is it, everything has just built up inside, no one saw it coming, not even me. But maybe if I had some one to talk to it wouldn't have been like this. Now I can get back at all those people who didn't care, show them exactly what they did to me!

The razor glides slowly down my arm, leaving a small red ribbon down my arm, its not very deep yet, but it sure as hell hurts. Everyone always says suicide is wrong, choosing to end your meaningless life is wrong. But I think if something pushes you so far as to even think about things like that, it might not be so wrong.

This really hurts. Hurts really bad. Enough to make me scream, wanting some one to come and make it stop. but I know n one is going to come. Because no one cares and I am so alone. But it is making me feel better, freeing up my mind of all my problems, showing the truth threw this blood and pain. My mind is clearing of all these thoughts of death. Things can get better, this may not be the answer. Maybe this is wrong. What about my dreams? I can still at least try to, I know I probably dream in vain. But my dreams make me happy and keep me going, keep me living; like right now.

I pull the razor away from my arm, the blade still dripping with the red life sustaining liquid. My blood. The cut is a lot bigger then I thought, half way from my wrist to my elbow. But its not deep, so I'll be fine. Grabbing the nearest rag I can find I wrap up my arm and try to stop the bleeding.

Wow, my mind was pretty fucked up a little bit ago. But I'm better now, I don't think I will think like that for a while. And suicide? Thinking some more now that seems…crazy. I shouldn't think too much about it, I over came it, so I am not crazy.

Now I can be around to become Hokage and show everyone who I really am. The bleeding finally stops, this thing should be wrapped up. So I get up and walk over to were my first aid kit is, it's by the window, showing the beautiful night sky. As I open the small white box and pull out some gauze I start to think.

Maybe being alone under the stars isn't so bad, then I can gaze at them forever with out anyone disturbing me or telling me to stop. And as I gaze at the stars everything bad around me can fade. So that way when I finally come back to earth it will be a better place, where I will never need my razor blades again.

A/N: That seems a bit more angsty then I thought it would. It's 2am and I am up typing again, damn insomnia. I am really pleased with this fic, the beginning and ending weren't really what I wanted, but its still good. Well REVIEW!


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